Ruminating On The Career Of Albert Pujols

In honor of his contract with the Los Angeles Angels (and his time in baseball, hopefully) ending this upcoming season

From his rookie debut in 2001 to his last year in St. Louis (2011), for those 11 straight years, 1B Albert “The Machine” Pujols was the best, most consistent hitter on the planet. Don’t even think about arguing that, I’ll call the police. 

The Machine was an extra-bases-hitting, well, machine. Any given season in a Cardinals uniform, Pujols was liable to hit .330-ish with 40-plus bombs and 120 RBIs; in other words, a consistent Triple Crown threat. He did so with the sort of unflappable professionalism that made him the face of an organization and the leader of a perennial World Series contender. He also had the sexiest right-handed swing in baseball. Again, if you try disagreeing, I’ll alert the authorities. I’m serious.

Then, his time with the Cards came to an end and seemingly so did his Superman-esque ability to hit the covers off baseballs.

He signed a 10-year, $240 million deal with the team in LA that isn’t the Dodgers in 2012, and it turns out whatever material the Angels make their uniforms out of — well, it’s Kryptonite for Pujols.

Sure, from that inaugural season to the present he’s sprinkled in some decent numbers — 40 bombs in 2015, 119 RBIs the following season — but his average took a depressing downward turn. He devolved from a .328 hitter in St. Louis to a .257 hitter in Anaheim, from arguably the most valuable player in the game to the least valuable, most disgustingly overpaid player on a mediocre team.

What are we to make of this train-wreck?

Most people will want to tar and feather the Angels’ management, and for decent reasons, I suppose. These mega-deal contracts with aging sluggers don’t seem to go according to plan most of the time — see 1B Miguel Cabrera, 1B Joey Votto, C/1B Joe Mauer, 3B Alex “A-Rod” Rodriguez and OF Andrew McCutchen. I get it, I’m beating a dead horse with this one, but also note The King-of-Getting-K’d, 1B Chris Davis. 

Now, I make pizzas for a living so take this with a grain of salt, but I think, as a rule of thumb, if your guy’s turning 40 before the contract’s finished, you’re probably making a mistake. 

Players get hurt, especially the older ones, and injuries such as a ruptured plantar fascia, arthroscopic surgery on his left knee and surgery to remove a bone spur in his right elbow have certainly played a role in Pujols’ decline.

I mean, go look for yourself. Pujols passed OF Willie Mays on the all-time home run list last season and seeing him trudge around the bases after it leaves the yard sort of hurts to watch. It hurts because it’s clear it hurts Pujols to jog slowly. It’s like Elmer’s glue and scotch tape are holding him together. Pujols’ face reads, “F***, I hit it over the fence and now I’ve got to lug my broken body 360 feet for this s*** to count.” He makes hitting a home run look un-fun. My dog is basically 1,000 years old in dog years — like, on death’s doorstop — and she has 10 times the pep in her step going to the park every other day to eat grass and sniff trees than Pujols does rounding the bases. Also noteworthy: she’s going to get paid $25 million less than him in 2021.

But I’m going to be nice to the Angels; after all, how could they have known that The Machine they were getting in 2012, despite probably entering the latter half of his prime, would transform from being a model of durability and production with no clear signs of slowing down to becoming the disaster that he did?

Now, I’m going to be mean to Pujols. 

It’s an unpopular thing to do, it seems — even with Angels’ fans. Although him being terrible is probably the main reason why their team has been rotting at the bottom of the AL West’s cellar despite having some serious talent, like the incredibly unique skill set of two-way star SP/OF Shohei Ohtani and MLB’s best overall player in that guy named after a fish, CF Mike Trout.

Pujols is just too much of a stand-up guy for people to thoroughly hate on, I’ve found, no matter how stinky his play gets — and if the 2020 season told us anything, it’s only going to get stinkier. He’s got that integrity thing going for him, which, in professional sports, mostly equates to not being linked to PEDs.

With that being said, here’s me hating on him, and why.

Pujols had a chance to return to St. Louis in 2012, but their offer wasn’t gigantic enough for him, reportedly only five years. Basically, he told the Cardinals, “If you don’t want me when I’m 40 and practically crippled from the waist down, then you can’t have me while I still have something to contribute to an MLB team.”

Seriously, though, Pujols was very disappointed with the Cards’ original offer.

“I felt that the approach that [the Cardinals] took wasn’t showing me that they wanted me to be a longtime Cardinal … I believe I made the right decision,” Pujoles said in a 2019 interview.

To which I say, “Is16 years not long enough for you, Pujols?”

Now, I get it. In a world where you can make an extra guaranteed $100 million, it’s sort of dumb not to.

But this isn’t you or me. This is Albert Pujols, a First Team, All-MLB good-guy since the very beginning, who’s always contended that he plays the game because he loves it and will continue to play until he doesn’t. But that comes off as a bit disingenuous, in my very-correct opinion. How much fun can the game continue to be when you’re a shell of your former self, the anchor that’s holding the rest of your team down and the reason why not just Angels’ fans, but baseball fans in general haven’t gotten to see the aforementioned Fish-Man do Fish-Man things in the postseason? It’s not illegal to walk away. Hell, even A-Rod, who isn’t exactly known for his sparkling character, did it back in 2016. He left the game when it became glaringly obvious that he wasn’t what he once was.

Regardless, the inevitable remains inevitable. The 2021 season is hopefully going to be Pujols’ last in Anaheim, and maybe that means the Angels can, at the very least, pretend to try to be good again. Here’s to hoping he doesn’t go join the Baltimore Orioles and do any stupid record chasing once it’s over.

Cover photo courtesy of David Zalubowski/AP Photo